A Bit Wordy: Come fly with me

They still have no smoking signs lit up in the airplanes. Smoking hasn’t been allowed for years but I guess they have to make sure. Just wondering. Who tells the engines?

Safety tips

Every trip starts with safety. How many Becky's and bob's have their head looking down at their cell phones instead? I would love to be the follow up guy for those who didn’t pay attention. Instead of handing out reward towels or peanuts, I’d hand out long underwear. For all passengers who didn’t take time to learn about safety. In the event of an emergency put your long underwear on pull down the flap in back and kiss your ass goodbye.

Take your seat

I try to stay slim. I want to sit in my assigned seat, not assigned seats. I think they should assign seats based on urinary function. To be assigned a window seat would depend. Do you have a good bladder or are you wearing depends?

Nature calls

Going to the bathroom on a train is doable. The side-to-side motion is usually easy to handle. There’s no turbulence on a train. Dropping a log at 3,000 feet is no easy task especially when you’re banging your head off the ceiling.

I have a couple questions. What happens if the seat belt sign comes on while you’re in the bathroom? And if the toilets had seatbelts, would anybody use them? Nobody ever checks on the poor guy in the can. The flight attendant waits for the turbulence to end and knocks on the door. Are you okay sir? No, I am not okay, I have just been butt slamming the toilet seat for the last fifteen minutes.

This has been a bit wordy. Thanks for hanging in there.

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