Funny thing happened at the gas pump. I know there’s nothing funny about gas or the price of it but thanks to the redneck in front of me, I did have a little chuckle.   He was filling up his three-tone (brown, white and rust) supercharged truck. He must have been in a hurry; he didn’t even have time to dress. I could tell he was pissed off. Probably because he wanted to race to the next red light and had to stop for gas along the way. Now, I’m not the kind of guy who questions other people’s attire, but on this day I did. He was wearing a bath robe and slippers. Before I move on, I want to offer a tip. Never get gas behind a pickup truck at Native Canadian gas station. I will guarantee you he is packing a shit ton of jerry cans in the payload. This guy clearly had no shame. After the fill up, he walked in to pay and filled up an envelope with lottery tickets before leaving. There I was waiting right behind Cousin Eddie from Christmas vacation. Sometimes I feel like I’m bein...

They still have no smoking signs lit up in the airplanes. Smoking hasn’t been allowed for years but I guess they have to make sure.  Just wondering. Who tells the engines? Safety tips Every trip starts with safety. How many Becky's and bob's have their head looking down at their cell phones instead?  I would love to be the follow up guy for those who didn’t pay attention. Instead of handing out reward towels or peanuts, I’d hand out long underwear.  For all passengers who didn’t take time to learn about safety. In the event of an emergency put your long underwear on pull down the flap in back and kiss your ass goodbye . Take your seat I try to stay slim. I want to sit in my assigned seat, not assigned seats. I think they should assign seats based on urinary function. To be assigned a window seat would depend. Do you have a good bladder or are you wearing depends? Nature calls Going to the bathroom on a train is doable. The side-to-side motion is usually easy...

                           A reflection     We must tread lightly not to disturb the waters. Ever person has a ship. Everyone believes they can paddle towards the other side. It is easy to say we believe in someone, But this is not enough when that person has lost belief in themselves and thinks everyone feels this way about them. Sabotage is a habit, when all we know of self worth is lack., substance takes over our spirit. A moments pleasure takes over our lives. Craving eventually kills. Clipping the wings of hope and spirit. But belief can start in a moments spark. Don't look at the years as lost. Don't look on this day as the habitual, oh hum. Put your hands on the oars if only for moment. A Prayer Dear Lord please give me enough light to see. Enough calm to hope. Enough strength to row away from this pain. I only ask for one moment to be free from ...

A Bit Wordy : a comedic story. Welcome to the stage.  Sarcasm is recommended and suggested .   Have you seen these kids with their pants hanging down to their ankles. They must be good gangsters because really, could they outrun the law?  I could outrun Joe Boxer guy. He doesn't scare me. Okay, the gun does but Joe with the boxers hanging down his ass, not really. Hell, I could walk faster using a walker.                         Adjustments  Give that man a belt! Oh, he's got a belt, he just forgot that it goes around his waist.  Did you ever notice how many times these guys adjust themselves. You wouldn't want a penis to fall out now, would you? Bong! Because that wouldn't be too offensive. It's just not styling when your penis pops out.                     That's a stretch It's like the girl who thought a tube top was a good idea. She wants to g...

Entomophobia is the fear of insects. I am not afraid of insects; I just hate certain types. And I have no problem killing them if they get my way. For that reason, I am not a Buddhist. I enjoy eastern philosophy, but I don't think I'd be welcomed to the club, for an obvious reasons: Killing someone's reincarnated cousin. Being reincarnated as a fish fly is kind of a rip off. Their average life span is twenty-four to forty-eight hours. The have only one purpose; to go to the light before they go to the light. They're no threat at all. They don't eat and they don't bite. They just want to mate.  Dying afterwards, well, let’s just say, they didn't get the memo. I have seen fish flies hanging out at the gas station in August. Fish flies are generally a June and July bug. Maybe they figured out that if they played hard to get, they could hang around a little bit longer.                             ...

The fall is quickly approaching. My mind drifts back to my grade school. Soon kids will be carrying back packs and cell phones, dressed in pajamas and slippers. We didn't have backpacks. We had Pencil cases. Our books -Jack, Jane and spot- were cradled in our arms and our lunch came in a brown paper bag. However, some kids had designer cartoon or superhero lunchboxes. I seem to recall I had one. Mine was red and back checkered. My attire most likely would have been a plaid shirt, tan corduroy pants and sneakers. But there's something else I am remembering today. Grasshoppers. Saint Jules is closed now and will probably be torn down. And the addition my grandfather built will be rubble. But I'm thinking about the path and the high grass that grew beside it. It went from Westminster to Norman Road and it was a breading ground for grasshoppers. Hop to it It takes skill to catch a grasshopper: Some hopped and some flew. You couldn't call yourself a grassho...