My grandmother on my father side, stayed at our house for a weekend. Her job was to take care of my other grand mother. We were busy teenagers and we were angels. Okay maybe not. But staying home is something we didn't do much, especially, with the added supervision. Had we been home, we would have seen what happened at the scene of the crime. My mother had chest freezer filled with a side of beef. There was a bunch of mouths to feed and apparently my grandmother thought that included her. They were only going away for a couple days. What could happen? They would soon find out. What's in the bag? They came home after the weekend away and it was time for my father to drive McGregor meme' home. He wondered why her suitcase felt heavier than the other day but thought nothing of it. My mom hated deciding what to make for supper but felt confident because she knew she had many options waiting in the chest freezer. There was only one problem. The freezer was cleared out. ...
When I was a kid, I kept wondering when it would happen. After a little help from science things started taking off. A word of warning: Be careful what you wish for. I hit puberty late and it kind of just won't go away. I have been a Peter Sellers fan my whole life. Peter Sellers was a hairy man. I have seen guys wearing hair sweaters in the pool; It wasn't a good look. Then one day I looked into the mirror and saw something. It was a Jekyll and Hyde moment. Well, I wanted to hide but I couldn’t. I was morphing into Inspector Clouseau, right before my eyes. Yes, I know, that you know, that I know, I am a sasquatch. There was a time when I hid my hairless body. Now I run around like a five-foot nine-inch ape looking for a tree to hide behind. A hairy chest I would have been okay with. Everyone loved Bert Reynolds, but I didn't ask for my shoulders and back to get jealous. It's a cruel joke. I hit my sixties with sixty percent of my body covered in hair. The ...