We play cards every other Tuesday at my sister's house. Oliver the cat is the Prince of the house. When his loyal subjects (my sister and husband) mention that my partner and I are coming over he will leave his throne (a suction cup lounge chair stuck on the window) and meet us at the door. But he isn't really interested in us as much as he is interested in escaping the condo to run down the hallway. We think he is waiting for us to acknowledge his princely persona as he allows us to pat his head and if we are lucky a tummy rub. I never rub his tummy, I have seen what happens to my brother inlaw when it goes from a tummy rub to rough housing.  The cat is smart enough to know when it is suppertime and he eats his at the same time. After supper we talk a bit and then it time for cards. This is when the cat will do one of two things. Jump on the counter to see what we had to eat or walk back to the window throne but not before he gets kicked of the counter a few times....

Funny thing happened at the gas pump. I know there’s nothing funny about gas or the price of it but thanks to the redneck in front of me, I did have a little chuckle.   He was filling up his three-tone (brown, white and rust) supercharged truck. He must have been in a hurry; he didn’t even have time to dress. I could tell he was pissed off. Probably because he wanted to race to the next red light and had to stop for gas along the way. Now, I’m not the kind of guy who questions other people’s attire, but on this day I did. He was wearing a bath robe and slippers. Before I move on, I want to offer a tip. Never get gas behind a pickup truck at Native Canadian gas station. I will guarantee you he is packing a shit ton of jerry cans in the payload. This guy clearly had no shame. After the fill up, he walked in to pay and filled up an envelope with lottery tickets before leaving. There I was waiting right behind Cousin Eddie from Christmas vacation. Sometimes I feel like I’m bein...

They still have no smoking signs lit up in the airplanes. Smoking hasn’t been allowed for years but I guess they have to make sure.  Just wondering. Who tells the engines? Safety tips Every trip starts with safety. How many Becky's and bob's have their head looking down at their cell phones instead?  I would love to be the follow up guy for those who didn’t pay attention. Instead of handing out reward towels or peanuts, I’d hand out long underwear.  For all passengers who didn’t take time to learn about safety. In the event of an emergency put your long underwear on pull down the flap in back and kiss your ass goodbye . Take your seat I try to stay slim. I want to sit in my assigned seat, not assigned seats. I think they should assign seats based on urinary function. To be assigned a window seat would depend. Do you have a good bladder or are you wearing depends? Nature calls Going to the bathroom on a train is doable. The side-to-side motion is usually easy...

                           A reflection     We must tread lightly not to disturb the waters. Ever person has a ship. Everyone believes they can paddle towards the other side. It is easy to say we believe in someone, But this is not enough when that person has lost belief in themselves and thinks everyone feels this way about them. Sabotage is a habit, when all we know of self worth is lack., substance takes over our spirit. A moments pleasure takes over our lives. Craving eventually kills. Clipping the wings of hope and spirit. But belief can start in a moments spark. Don't look at the years as lost. Don't look on this day as the habitual, oh hum. Put your hands on the oars if only for moment. A Prayer Dear Lord please give me enough light to see. Enough calm to hope. Enough strength to row away from this pain. I only ask for one moment to be free from ...

A Bit Wordy : a comedic story. Welcome to the stage.  Sarcasm is recommended and suggested .   Have you seen these kids with their pants hanging down to their ankles. They must be good gangsters because really, could they outrun the law?  I could outrun Joe Boxer guy. He doesn't scare me. Okay, the gun does but Joe with the boxers hanging down his ass, not really. Hell, I could walk faster using a walker.                         Adjustments  Give that man a belt! Oh, he's got a belt, he just forgot that it goes around his waist.  Did you ever notice how many times these guys adjust themselves. You wouldn't want a penis to fall out now, would you? Bong! Because that wouldn't be too offensive. It's just not styling when your penis pops out.                     That's a stretch It's like the girl who thought a tube top was a good idea. She wants to g...

Entomophobia is the fear of insects. I am not afraid of insects; I just hate certain types. And I have no problem killing them if they get my way. For that reason, I am not a Buddhist. I enjoy eastern philosophy, but I don't think I'd be welcomed to the club, for an obvious reasons: Killing someone's reincarnated cousin. Being reincarnated as a fish fly is kind of a rip off. Their average life span is twenty-four to forty-eight hours. The have only one purpose; to go to the light before they go to the light. They're no threat at all. They don't eat and they don't bite. They just want to mate.  Dying afterwards, well, let’s just say, they didn't get the memo. I have seen fish flies hanging out at the gas station in August. Fish flies are generally a June and July bug. Maybe they figured out that if they played hard to get, they could hang around a little bit longer.                             ...