Finding Jesus

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Have you found Jesus? How many times have you heard someone say that? I was at the coffee shop the other day and I saw a lady sitting at a corner table. She was sipping a cup and chatting with a friend. I could have sworn she was my cousin. I didn't want to appear rude, so I walked over. On the way, I noticed she wasn't my cousin, and I apologized for my intrusion. She said, "No problem" and she continued with "Maybe there was a reason why I was sent to her table. Have you found Jesus?"  My response was "Yes I have" We both shared a "God bless you" I knew she wasn't Catholic because she never said" And with your spirit" I politely smiled and walked back to my table. There were other responses I could’ve used for the, have you found Jesus question? I could have used. "I am a believer, but I am no homecoming queen" or "No but I'll let him know you're looking for him if I do” This was from one of many pages in my self-published book collecting dust in my brain. The title of which is "The Art of Sarcasm, vol 3" subtitled "The God Conundrum"

 The chosen few

I find it interesting that the door-to-door salespeople for God would want to evangelize the world. Especially, when they believe there's only room for ten thousand in heaven. I seem to remember the verse that everyone had a room in heaven. Apparently, the suites are left for the best of the best. My mind ponders the business of belief or whose business is it if or what we believe. Suddenly, I start to imagine just because that's what I do. Hey! I must write about something. So, here's the flavour of the day.

 The people with the plan

I wonder if they have a marketing plan. I can almost see it. In some living room stands a whiteboard and a top spiritual recruiter. He is holding a felt-tipped marker and the eternal hopes of all his attendees. "Okay, this is you” he draws a little circle "and these are all the souls you have saved” More circles. He explains "If you help twelve people find God and if these twelve find twelve people, you will achieve the status known as silver wings” He continues "The silver wing tier is the first rung on the stairway to heaven" The living room is buzzing with enthusiasm or sleeping. Okay, just me. He explains "There are many rungs on the way up the ladder and it might take a lifetime to get to the top but one day you will reach the tier known as the golden thorn" 

 The Selection process

Suddenly, a cloud forms around my mind. I have seen many marketing plans, and the clouds always show up just before unconsciousness. The scene changes.  The place is heaven or rather the lobby in Hotel Heaven. The Crownies as Saint Peter called them are waiting to check in. Apparently, the only way to check in is to check out. The marble floor is massive with columns circling the outer edges of the lobby. Beyond the columns are white puffy clouds and the exit door leading to purgatory. Everyone is in full golden thorn attire, long white gowns and golden thorn crowns. One hundred thousand people, waiting for their promised room. Saint Peter is seen scratching his head. He stands at the podium looking down at the mass. He raises up two fingers and the crowd is silenced. The selection begins. " Eany meany miny Moe catch an angel by the toe"  Back on earth the cloud vaporizes and I'm back in the living room. The meeting is over the recruiter is signing up people and I do what I always do, crawl towards the back door and run for the hills.

 The Big Leagues

I am Catholic and I know I don't practice as much as I should. There is only one reason why I don't. I don’t want to be a professional. My mother went to church every day.  She was a superstar. I decided that I just didn't want to be that good. My biggest fear is being called up to the big leagues. I know the big leagues are up in heaven and I'm sure my mother is the manager of some baseball team. She has part of the team already up there.  The rest of us are down here, we are all unsigned free agents and we're freaking out. I want to stay here as long as possible even if I am just a heathen warming the bench. Until then the following will be my response to the, have you found Jesus question:

 

"No, I have not" I didn't know he was lost. However, I did find Evis. He's playing left field"






 

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