What's Your Brand?

A Bit Wordy: a comedic story. Welcome to the stage. Sarcasm is recommended and suggested.  

Have you seen these kids with their pants hanging down to their ankles. They must be good gangsters because really, could they outrun the law? I could outrun Joe Boxer guy. He doesn't scare me. Okay, the gun does but Joe with the boxers hanging down his ass, not really. Hell, I could walk faster using a walker.

                        Adjustments 

Give that man a belt! Oh, he's got a belt, he just forgot that it goes around his waist. Did you ever notice how many times these guys adjust themselves. You wouldn't want a penis to fall out now, would you? Bong! Because that wouldn't be too offensive. It's just not styling when your penis pops out.

                    That's a stretch

It's like the girl who thought a tube top was a good idea. She wants to get noticed but at the same time spends the whole night trying not getting noticed as she adjusts herself or should I say the sisters. Is that guy looking at me? Better adjust.

Guys are lucky. Adjusting the package is much easier. A simple spin move could conceal what you're doing.

                My eyes are up here

If a man happens to forget where the tube top girl eyes are he will soon see the activity known as stretching the tube. I have a question; how can you feel secure when the two sisters are not, secure? I can't help but feel that insecurity is not a daddy issue; it's a clothing issue. Stretching the tube while engaging in a conversation doesn't create enough of a distraction. You don't even know when you're doing it and you're doing it all the time. The skill of stretching the tube is rather simple. One hand on the bottom and one hand on top and stretch. I'm sure eventually she'd think, I should have worn a blouse. Maybe not. Stretching the tube is a non-verbal way of saying to a guy; YOU'RE A PIG! Yes, men are pigs, dogs, asses or whatever farm animal you want to call us. We don't need encouragement. What we need is a thick pair of dark sunglasses or an exit plan.

If this was a show and tell world, it wouldn't be strange to see a bunch of asses hanging out of their pants revealing underwear brands. I've even seen street people sporting a similar fashion. Sleeveless shirt, with holes in their jeans, two different socks, two different shoes and a brand of underwear I refuse to buy because they cost too much. Clearly his ass had priorities. What if you're a well dressed man who knows how to fasten a belt. You know; around the waist. Would he walk by people blurting out his favorite brand. HANES! You'd look at him and call him a freak. Not, Gangster ass; totally acceptable. Could you just see some old fart waiting in line at the bank because old guys still wait in line at the bank. They need that person to person connection. He needs to talk to that under paid teller about his Depends. Hello, Mr. Smith, will you be making a deposit today? Maybe.

I remember when a pair jeans worth was all about stitching patterns and labels. It was back when keeping your pants on was in style. Nobody cared about what underwear you had on or if you turned them inside out because you missed laundry day or if you wore boxers, briefs or if you ripped a layer of skin off the tip because you went commando. There are things in life meant to be on a need to know basis. Some things we don't need to know. The things I don't need to know, I don't need to see. In closing let me just say, my underwear is always clean. This is something you didn't need to know. My mother used to say, You never know when you might have to go to the hospital. I'm thinking if you get in an accident, having a accident is a distinct possibility. Sometimes when you holler SHIT! shit happens, so I guess clean underwear doesn't matter. Sorry Mom.

This has been a bit wordy. Thanks for hanging in there.