I don't like talking about my crazy shit stuff. I've spent the better half of sixty years hiding, fearing and shaming. Gee, that sounds like a new Journey song. Na na na na na na na. Anyway and yes I know, you should never start a sentence with anyway but I'm doing it, anyway. Hey! this is all about comedy, errors are expected. Sue me! Anyway (there, I did it) I went to see a therapist for a couple reasons. One, to debunk my then wife's' diagnosis. To prove that I wasn't a passive aggressive ass-hole. Moron? Maybe. But I'm not an oxymoron, moron. I mean, can you be passive and aggressive at the same time? The second reason was obvious, to rearrange the therapists office, starting with her unused coasters. They were definitely placed haphazardly. Then it happened. She started asking questions. Imagine that, a social worker asking questions. I thought I was there as interior designer not a client. Question one. Why did your wife call you passive aggressive? At that I stood up, passively walked over and gently fixed the picture that was noticeably slanted. I answered, I don't know! she's the one who needs a therapist! Making sure my tone was neither passive nor aggressive. I sat down and didn't realize that while I was answering the question, I was aggressively fixing the throw pillows. In my mind I was thinking. What kind of therapist is she? Look at her desk! Books and papers everywhere! I thought I was messed up. If this is a reflection of how good she is well... She interrupted mental meltdown. Then she said the following ( I had two options. One, move the furniture or two, move my ass out the door) She continued, I find that most people who are passive aggressive are neither passive nor aggressive. I tried not look surprised. Really? Was the only audible sound I could muster. My inside smart ass voice barked out. Sounds familiar. My finely tuned smart ass mind thought, like I didn't know that. Hello! Then she added something. Yes, most people are just hiding something. That phrase caused my back hair to rise up and yell "WTF"
Me hide? But I didn't respond. Me hide was all in my head. So was me not hiding. All in my head. Oh, I was hiding. In fact, I've been hiding forever but that was another story (I'll leave that for future blogs)and I wasn't going to get into it at this session. I left the office out of sorts. The office was sorted and even though I went out, I wasn't out. I could never disclose what was really going on in my mind. Her office wasn't big enough for the changes I would have made.
What did I learn?
I guess she stayed on the sidewalk, while I dodged traffic. I was dodging more than traffic. Let's just say that this frog needed to get real and get his legs before he lost them under a semi. It was either going to be splat or I was going to have to jump into the first orange convertible VW bug, that just happened to be driving by. Luckily, I didn't have to wait too long. I jumped into that bug. It's in my driveway. Driven by the best friend a guy could ask for, my partner John. Were are just two frogs playing in traffic, going where the road leads us. Life is good. Gribit!
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