Have you found Jesus?

 

How many times have you heard someone say those words?

I was at the coffee shop the other day and I saw a lady sitting at a corner table. She was sipping a cup and chatting with a friend. I could have sworn she was my cousin. I didn't want to appear rude, so I walked over. On the way, I noticed that she wasn't my cousin, and I apologized for my intrusion. She said, "No problem" and she continued with “Maybe there was a reason why I was sent to her table” I’m thinking no reason; just bad eyes. She thought destiny brought me to her. Suddenly, God spoke to her. She could feel it in her bones. Ask him! Okay God, I’ll ask him! Somehow, I knew it was coming. It was just four-little-words. She looked right in my eyes to see if I would flinch or look away. Then she said it, “Have you found Jesus?" In my mind I was saying, Oh God, here we go. But the Canadian Catholic card, had to be played.  My response was "Yes I have" I couldn’t tell if she was relieved or disappointed.  We both shared a "God bless you" I knew she wasn't Catholic because she never said" “And with your spirit" I politely smiled and walked back to my table. I could have said, "No but I'll let him know you're looking for him if I do”

Disclaimer:

The following paragraphs are from one of many pages in my self-published book collecting dust in my brain. The title of which is "The Art of Sarcasm, volume 3" subtitled "The God Conundrum"

The chosen few

I find it interesting that the door-to-door salespeople for God would want to evangelize the world. Especially, since they believe there's only room for ten thousand in heaven. I seem to remember the verse that said, everyone had a room in heaven. Apparently, the suites are left for the best of the best.  Suddenly, I start to imagine just because that's what I do, about the business of spiritual orientation.

The people with the plan

I want you to imagine the following scene. This is meant to be just a little fun. What if recruiting church people was like a MLM business. In some living room stands a whiteboard and a top spiritual recruiter. He is dress in a dark blue pinstriped suit. Under the suit he is wearing a starched white shirt and a red power tie. He is holding a black felt-tipped marker and the eternal hopes of all his attendees.

After a few jokes and introductions, he begins. "Okay, this is you” and with the marker he draws a little circle "these are all the souls you have saved” He continues to draw more circles. He explains "If you help twelve people find Jesus and if these twelve find twelve people, you will achieve the status known as silver wings” He continues "The silver wing tier is the first rung on the ladder to heaven" The living room is buzzing with enthusiasm or sleeping. Okay, just me. He explains "There are many rungs on the way up the ladder and it might take a lifetime to get to the top but one day you will reach the tier known as the Golden Thorn” However, The Golden Throne, is something entirely different and we will not go there, unless, of course, we have to go there. It’s the door on the right and yes, it is halo and gender neutral. Mind your wings.

The Selection process

Suddenly, a thought cloud forms around my mind. I have seen many marketing plans, and the clouds always show up just before unconsciousness. The scene changes.  The place is heaven or rather the lobby in Hotel Heaven. The Cronies (as Saint Peter calls them) are waiting to check in. Apparently, the only way to check in; is to check out. The marble floor is massive and has gold columns circling the outer edges of the lobby. Beyond the columns are white puffy clouds and an exit door leading to purgatory. A word of warning; it is next to the Golden Throne. The wrong door will test your bladder until judgement day.  Everyone is in full golden thorn attire, long white gowns and golden thorn crowns. One hundred thousand people, waiting for their promised room. Saint Peter is seen scratching his head. He stands at the podium looking down at the mass. He raises up two fingers and the crowd is silenced. The selection begins. "Eany, Meany, Miny, Moe, catch an angel by the toe”

Suddenly, the cloud vaporizes and I’m back on earth, in the living room. The meeting is over and the recruiter is signing people up and I do what I always do, crawl towards the back door and run for the hills.

The Big Leagues

I am Catholic and I know I don't practice as much as I should. There is only one reason why I don't. I don’t want to be a professional. My mother went to church every day.  She was a superstar. I decided that I just didn't want to be that good. My biggest fear is being called up to the big leagues. I know the big leagues are up in heaven and I'm sure my mother is the manager of some baseball team. She has a team already up there.  The rest of us are down here, we are all unsigned free agents and we're freaking out. I want to stay here as long as possible even if I am just a heathen warming the bench. Until then the following will be my response to the, have you found Jesus’ question:

 

"No, I have not, I didn't know he was lost"