Friday, November 3, 2023

The Three C's

We all do it. There's no reason to be ashamed. It's part of our daily natural cleaning process. There are two things people don't want other people see. Well, there could be a few others but I will address just a couple. One, wiping our asses. Nobody wants to see that. A close second, getting caught picking our nose. This is the one area of focus, I want to talk about today. Why, I don't know, maybe it will be funny.

Crusty Happens

They happen on the couch. They happen on the can. The happen in the car. Crusty happens. How you take care of crusty is up to you. Just don't get caught decrustifiying the crusty. Are you a couch, can, or car picker? 

The couch is probably the worst place to do the deed. Tissues only do so much some. You think you got your nose covered but some of that stuff is going to get lost and find a new home somewhere on the fabric or maybe stuck to an old getaway chip, you lost under your cushion in 1979.  There you are hiding your pick. The thumb behind the palm method is popular and is often used, when your wife is sitting beside you. But, you're not hiding anything.  Your wife knows your doing it. She is tired of it but can't say anything,  saving that card for the day she gets caught. Oh, she's going to get caught. Just a matter of time. The crusty will come out. 

On the can is the the best place. One, you have privacy. Two, you can get your fingers involved and you won't get caught red handed, even if you get red handed. There you are on the can massaging your brain through nostril, when your wife knocks on the door. What are you doing in there? You quickly pull your finger out and say. What do you think I'm doing in here? She has learned there are only two times you spend more than five minutes on the can. She walks away grossed out but thankful, there is another bathroom. 

The car is all about calculation. There are many things to consider. Timing the flow of traffic, front and behind. Can you use the palm hiding thumb method or do you really have to go in. Sometimes you can overthink it, get half way committed, when some bonehead speeds up behind you. You know your rear view mirror is small. Why be paranoid? Really, what ego are you protecting? I mean, what could they see? That's when you realize. That bone-head is your wife. Oh my God he does it everywhere. 

Ever see the sticker on the back of car window of some guy doing it, to it. Clearly this guy doesn't give an f, if anyone is watching. I've seen him in my rear view mirror, massaging his brains through his nostril. I'm stuck at a read light, I can't pick and this guy behind me if like F it I'm going in. Can you imagine TV night with the wife. F it, maybe they both are just sitting picking their nose and flipping through the channels.  Just a picking and flipping. Just a picking and flipping. Make you feel sorry for the remote control. 

Crusty will come. Crusty will go. You hope they'll leave when you blow but some will hang around just because that's the way it is or maybe was
 Keep your nose clean.  See next time on the road.


No comments:

Post a Comment

One Foot Out

 I was born with one foot out. I think it was my left. Well, I wasn't quite born yet. I couldn't see where I was going or when I was...