For The Birds

 

Lawn maintenance is for the birds

 

I didn't want to do it, but it was my turn to cut the grass. It was a cold day, and the threat of rain forced me to kick myself in the butt. Our property is huge and weirdly shaped, and I never know exactly where to start. It is like most daunting jobs; I got to get it out of the way and let momentum kick in. I feel the same way when I go for my outdoor walks. The first lap I'm feeling stiff and uninspired. The second lap is better but now I have caught the attention of overprotective red wing black birds. I pretend not to notice but I can hear them as they swoop down just above my head and yell at me with that annoying call. I convince myself, "only four laps to go" Lap three yellow jackets decide they want to have fun too. Now I have birds and bees swarming me. I walk to help me with my stress and it's not working!!! In fact, I'm about to freak out! I just want to exercise damn it! Leave me alone!!! I would like to say that ignorance is bliss but the more I tried to ignore them, the more relentless they became. So, piss on bliss. I wasn’t all blissful. However, I did survive the walk. Now back to the yard. What could go wrong?

 Grass is like a beard, eventually it will grow on you

The grass is high and I kind of wish I was too. I decide to start to cut the grass and pass on smoking it.  Although that might have help me tune out the aerial assault that was about to happen. The first lap was effortless but with the second lap came the migration of barn swallows. Luckily, it was cold day, and the bees where not interested in fun with wings part two. I convinced myself that they're just protecting their territory. I guess my territory was in the house and that didn't include the yard. There are many trees in my yard and, in those trees many nests and many birds with a chirp in their voice and a chip on their shoulders. There I was letting them be, but they were not letting me be. I must admit a few of the dive bombs that almost knocked my hat off made me yell "yeeha" like my John Deere was a horse. -kind of wished I had a whip. 

 Rake what? Heck no!!

When I finished cutting the grass I looked at the hay field and I was contemplating taking the grass sweeper for a ride to collect it. Instead, I said a prayer. Dear God, please let mother nature take it away.  The job was done. I held a mug of coffee to warm my frozen hands, and I sat looking out my living room window. The lawn was littered with mounds of clippings and black birds. I guess some days are just for the birds. 

 

Maybe I'll go out and do some weeding. Nope!!!

P.S. the cartoonist Denny D is me. Any similarity is purely accidental.