Speed talking

There's always a story to tell and people to tell it. Every story takes time to tell. There are generally two speeds to story telling: Fast and slow.

Wait for it!

An example of slow can be found in church. The priest reading the gospel decides to separate every sentence with the invention of new comas. All good books including the bible are not published until it has been edited. Editing includes the proper punctuation. Sounds easy enough. Do you follow? And you could follow and read along with the priest, but you'll never see those extra comas. Why? Because they are not there! Jesus didn't put it in, so why is this guy doing it! The priest was like Captain Kirk. The bridge is the pulpit. "And Jesus said, (pause)to his disciples (pause again) I will make (surprise, keep pausing) you fishers of men" Wow, he got up to four words. When the verbal waltz was over, I heard two words. To be truthful, I heard two words and felt an elbow. The elbow was my mother and the words were; Wake up!!

 

People who talk slow and methodical have all the time in the world and because they do, they believe everyone around them have all the time in the world too. Um, no. Sarcasm is approved, encouraged and internal dialog accepted. You wouldn't want to verbally admit you’re freaking out inside. Oh shit! Not this guy. This could take awhile. In case you were wondering, my internal dialogs are always in italics. It just seems more fun. I wouldn't call it bold, but it can be a little dramatic.  I got a flair for it, I guess. 

Brain Fog

When I engage with these types of people, I listen with a lean. In my mind I'm already walking. I look like that little guy at the traffic light in mid-walk, trying to go. Unfortunately, the other guys is the flashing orange hand saying "Wait, stop, listen" Shit! I think, what if I just nod and do an about face and get the f out of dodge. Suddenly, a thought cloud emerges and all I can see is some guy flapping his gums. My mind is on a little holiday.  Wait, there is no f in dodge. Was there an f in dodge? Did someone literally take it out? I wonder was it Fdogde once? No dummy, Dodge refers to a place not the truck. However, you could say get the f out of my dodge. That would work. Oh, I get it. Dodge is a town. Now they say, just get out of town instead. There's no time for dodge either. What a weird expression. Look at this. What is he going on about? No really. Would you listen to this crap! No, really! Why aren't you listening?  You could give him the orange hand. Would that be rude? Do I have to be rude? This the conversation in my brain. I've missed the whole real conversation. I could have saved myself a lot of time but of course because I am Canadian, I must be polite. I'm sorry, what did you just say? Shit, here he goes again. I don't have time for this. You're killing me!!!!

 Quick lips

There is another category of talkers. One I am familiar with is fast talkers. Fast talkers are always against the clock, and they have no time to talk, so they tell you their whole life's story in sixty seconds. They don't even have time to say, "What's up" opting for the time saving abbreviated "Sup" I like to mumble and talk fast just because it makes for an interesting conversation. Just a heads-up fast talkers and slow listeners don't mix. I have seen my far share of smiles and nods. Nothing says, "WTF did that guy just say?" like a polite smile and nod. Some people just walk away from me and scratched their heads. Which I am fine with. I didn’t have time talk anyways.

Come again?

My biggest fear is when they ask me to repeat myself. Now I know two things. One, I was mumbling and talking too fast, and I looked like an idiot. Two, I must slow down my annunciation and pronunciation and try not to look like an idiot and verbally go from fast to slow and insert extra comas. I should have said "I'll send you a text. It's easier and faster, trust me" 

 

They say communication is an art. Who are they? I say, I like to draw outside the lines a little. What's wrong with that?  They're my Crayons. I'll do what I want. For this reason, I have a blog. This is what I meant to say the day I was talking to you, when you turned away clueless. There's always a story to tell and when I have time to think, I can slow down enough to clearly write down my thoughts. I find I don't mumble half as much on paper and I can really communicate what I want to say. I'll leave the rest up to you. Read this fast or slow or not at all. It was nice talking to you. The light is green. I'm already leaning. I've got to go.