Sock Hockey

To the rink, okay, the floor

 It was the late sixties or early seventies. We invented the indoor sports craze known as sock hockey. If the weather was bad outside, we would bring the hockey game inside. It was before the evolution of mini sticks and mini hockey nets. The game was played on a floor, usually consisting of vinyl or carpeting. My mother was a fan of Berber, and so were we. Our house had two rinks: a carpeted rink that stretched from our living room entryway to the built-in shelving unit just off the kitchen and the other, a narrow sheet of vinyl, which was the upstairs hallway floor. The upstairs hallway had bedroom doors on both sides. These doors were closed at game time. The rink stretched from the stairs leading down and the bathroom at the end of the hall. Our goalposts consist of door frames, entryways and cupboard doors.

 The rules

 When playing upstairs there was one rule everyone needed to agree on. The toilet lid had to be down. Nobody wanted a wrist shot to the face with a soggy sock. Downstairs, the rule was not to hit the hodgepodge of collectables collecting dust above our heads in the shelving unit.

 The Sock-ball

 How we decided on the game day sock-ball puck is a mystery. We must have experimented with many different styles and sizes and, by process of elimination, opted for the white tube variety. It didn't even matter if they stunk. I was lucky enough to have watched my mother folding them on laundry day, which at our house was an everyday occurrence. I soon figured out her secret and applied it to our simulated sock-ball puck. There was one small problem: it seemed the older we got and the stronger we got, the more the sock would unravel. The solution: elastic grandma. My grandmother, who was living with us at the time, had a year's supply dangling around her wrist. This was easier than rummaging through the junk drawer. Surely, we could persuade her to give up a band for our cause. Thanks grandma. The sock-ball puck was transformed with a new look. Rolled up and held in place with a big elastic granny band. Game on.

 On your knees

 The wide-open carpeted rink was our favorite surface to play on. Except for the rug burns on our knees and hands. Sock hockey is played on your knees. This explains why adults never played it.  We had a lot of practice, after all, we were good catholic boys. We knew how to kneel. Although it was the one part of the mass we couldn't wait to get over. Say Amen already. Back to the rink.

 Two Minutes for throwing

 This is perhaps the most important rule in sock-ball hockey and one my brothers broke every time, it's called proper sock-ball puck handling. The sock-ball must be scooped, and it must not be thrown. Hands are to be cupped only.  The game is played with four players. Each team has a goalie and a forward. If a thrown puck results in a goal, the goal is disallowed, and the other team is awarded a penalty shot. There was no penalty box, and if there was, we would have all been in the sin bin for fighting. We didn’t have the luxury of a replay, so we had to rely on honesty. I never heard anyone ever say “okay, I’m sorry I threw it.”

 The Canine Zamboni

 The length of game play consisted of a predetermined goal tally, or the interference of a canine sent in to quiet us down. The upstairs rink was used on this occasion, or if company came over. But that dog, always searching for a reward, could be heard barking at the base of the stairs. Like I said before she was a bitch. No fun allowed was her motto.

 Hockey Night In Canada

 We would eventually succumb to our self-inflicted wounds and stop playing to treat slivers and rug burns. I’ll never forget hockey night in Canada, Buckingham style, watching our favorite teams on T.V. and during intermission playing hand hockey. The tradition continues, somewhere, I hope.